Friday

It's quiet here.
The world is on pause.
I can see it from my window, if I want.
It's still and empty.

The bathroom fan makes a constant hiss.
It's distracting and irritating but perfect white noise.

The questions I get asked are much more sensible than usual:
Do I have any children, any pets? Did I leave the gas on? How long is my hair? Do I get violent when I'm angry?

I make my bed, even though it's so absurdly redundant.

The one bit of order I can in still on my world.
The extent of my ability to interact with the world.

It's quiet and still here, and the table is perfectly designed with a small, cramped dark space underneath it.

When the world unpauses, it'll will run in fast forward to catch up.
But the world I can see for now is quiet, and still, and empty.

Thursday

My hands are black.
I'm suicidal.
I'm suicidal and I've been a stuck at work, on my own for 22hours.
I have idea what I'm doing.
I have no idea what I'm supposed to be doing
My eyes and fussy and spasming from fatigue, it takes me 5 attempts to write each sentence as my eyes see the wrong letters
I worked 92h in 5 days.  I've worked 140h since I last had a full day off.
There's no backup, no plan B, no alternative option.  It's me or nothig.
Which would be nice.  If I wasn't suicidal.  If I'd slept.  If I got home before 9.30/10pm.  If I didn't have to get up at 6am to get in early.  If I could actually cry when I'm drowing but seem incapable of showing it.  It'd be nice then.
I need to not be.  I need to be where the rest of reality isn't.

I could go be a different person.  He gets better healthcare anyway.

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help me erm....?

So, let's say for argument's sake, there were reasons upon which I was looking into becoming a Freemason.  Reasons besides my conspiratorial aims of world domination obviously.

Growing up with a lot of farmers and 20 minutes away from the city of Cambridge, I grew up surrounded by a lot of Masons, so whilst I never particularly took much of an active interest in it previously, I am aware of probably more than your average joe what it takes to become a Mason.

Freemasonary has the sense to be fairly liberal and interpretative in what it allows as certain requisites for admission, however there are two major sticking points I'm trying to reconcile.


1) I need to believe in a Supreme Being.

Now, as a self identified chaos magician, it's hard to pin down what I believe in any way, and whilst I would definitely consider myself to believe in something bigger, that is not necessarily greater, nor is it necessarily any form of deity.  Arguably, the thing I believe in most, is probability, or random chance as a bizzarely unifying force in the universe.  I don't really believe in any form of Supreme Being, more some kind of Unifying Force of one kind or another, but I don't exactly believe it has any form of sentience, nor any actual intent of its own in how it arranges the world,.  Certainly not any Great Architect that Freemasonary considers as part of its ritual..  Do I believe in something beyond me, or us, or the world?  Yes.  Could I honestly swear that I believe in a Supreme Being, even with a broad and liberal interpretation of what that might mean?  I'm not convinced.  Of course, I could always go always go all God complex on them and consider myself the architect of my own destiny...  Oh if only it were that simple


2) Were I to reconcile point (1), what would I consider as my Volume of the Sacred Law that I could swear upon?

Basically, being that I'm not about to swear upon a KJV Bible, I need a religious text, that in some way sums up the guiding principles in my life.  Naturally if you're a Christian something like a KJV Bible would be a fairly obvious choice.  Being a chaos magician this is not easy.  Oh sure I have guiding principles, I'm just not sure that they're contained in any text, let alone a religious one.  And more to the point, being a chaos magician and all, I can't entirely promise I'll necessarily believe any of them come tomorrow morning, no matter how fundamental they might appear.  Given I'm not big on consistent belief in any form of deity or deities, something in the spiritual schools of thought such as Buddhism is likely to prove a more effective starting point.  Given chaos magic's rather minor following, heavy emphasis on scientific theory, and general aversion to any kind of dogmatic proscriptions, I hardly think I'm likely to get any of those texts admitted as a Volume of the Sacred Law any time soon.  And whilst it would hugely amuse me to chose something like Silver Ravenwolf (Pennsylvania) for shits and giggles, I have to swear on this thing, and whilst I might be happy to change my beliefs as I require, I do believe, for as long as I am required to, and no-one wants to believe the sort of things Silver Ravenwolf (Pennslyvannia) puts in her books.  So failing that, erm... suggestions?

EDIT: Have worked out that ideally, the Volume of Sacred Law I need is the Orange Catholic Bible.  If anyone can send me a copy that'd be great thanks :P

Digital Meditation

There will be a series of posts coming up, just as soon as I finish the book that's prompting them.

Hyperwarp

So today, this happened: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/science-environment-15017484  Scientists observed neutrinos travelling faster than the speed of light - a paradox under both classical and quantum physics in which the fact that nothing can exceed that speed is a fundamental law of science which underpins the entire basis of system.  If particles, even only certain ones *can* exceed the speed of light under certain conditions, the whole model of the universe which modern science generally holds to and the maths and physics behind it begin to completely unravel and discombobulation of the entire science, and education industries entail....

Now it's probably just a mistake.  As the science team have already stated, it's most likely some systematic error inherent in their calculations that they are blind to due to the nature of the calculations they are doing and the information they have to work with, and this is why they have opened it up to examination from the scientific community, who will, hopefully one day, observe similar phenomena in an unrelated experiment, thereby suggesting that it in fact not some decimal point in the wrong place, but that maybe, just maybe, objects can exceed the speed of light.

Of course the mere idea that this prospect could exist and thus the current model of the universe, which whilst its complexity has grown at an ever increasing rate in modern times, has been fairly coherent for a good few hundred years now, might in fact be incredibly flawed from its most basic principles, has started a flurry of panicked analysis from all kinds of people.  And to be fair, if true, it would prove to be one of the most significant discoveries of the modern age.

Luckily, I am awesome, and this news doesn't scare me, or in fact surprise me, because I subscribe to something called Hyperwarp 6D.  It's a theory put forward by Peter Carroll, i.e. the founder of Chaos Magic, and its a lot more fleshed out than many of the other fringe speculative physics theories in existence.  (Of course, many people forget/don't realise than standard physics is itself highly speculative, higgs bosons, dark matter, singularities, the big bang, these are all mere theories of the standard physical model).  In essence, it describes the universe as 6 dimensional; 3 of space, and not one, but 3 of time laid orthoganal to each other just as x y z spatial axes are (don't try and visualize the madness this will entail, it's physically impossible for you to).  All these dimensions are subject to curvature and in fact curve fully back onto each other to form a finite but unbounded surface (hence the title of this blog).  For the record, a sphere is finite and unbounded - you can travel around it infinitely, but it has a finite size, this is basically extrapolated into 6 dimensions for the purpose of H6D.

More on H6D can be found at http://www.economicexpert.com/a/Hyperwarp:6D.html  and in fact Peter Carroll has begun expanding this theory into two hypothesis called HD8 and VHC - see http://specularium.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=64&Itemid=120  HD8 and VHC still need a lot of work and even I'm still struggling to get my head round them but it's a nice progression from the original basis of H6D which was published in Peter Carroll's psybermagick over 10 years ago now.

Importantly in relation to the LHC discovery,. H6D allows for the observation of faster than light travel.  More technically, it doesn't actually allow for anything to exceed the speed of light, but it does allow our perspective to seem that things are.  Think wormhole physics, the complications of not just normal spacetime curvature but one with 3 dimensions of time involved means things appear to us be capable of both time travel and faster than light speeds by travelling along dimensions of time we have yet failed to consider; eventually the curvature becomes so great in the system that the quanta end up going full circle right back to where they started, just either in a different part of space but the same time, or different time but same space, but not the same spacetime point, depending on its route of travel.  So not only am I not surprised that this whole thing has been found, I was expecting it as an inevitability sooner or later.  Of course it could all just be a decimal point in the wrong place...

As the various links will tell you H6D also helps solve some of the other problems inherent in the standard physical model.  I by no means claim H6D is infallible, or even complete, but it makes a lot of sense to me, and whilst it's a fringe theory, and somewhat of a stretch, it's yet to be disproven in any way, and the science behind it (i can explain this in excruciating detail over an entire afternoon if you're honestly that bothered) is a lot more solid and fleshed out than a lot of other fringe theories, many of which comprise mere speculation with no scientific application or workings behind them whatsoever.

Afternoon delight quickie

Just a short post, found http://emiliogomariz.com/TRIANGULATIONBLOG/interactive/triangulation/004.html the other night, play around with it.  Moving the mouse randomly to fill in all the squares and start of the colour sequencing I'd really like to use this as a trance focus, there's a few other options in that blog that would work equally well I think.  Will use it for a ritual sometime in the near future and let you know how it goes.


In other news, I would like to HIGHLY recommend this incense by Star Child of Glastonbury.  I went back to Glastonbury for the first time in 3 years a few weeks ago, it's still a totally wierd, fucked up, and wonderful place, and Star Child is one of the best shops I've ever found.  Yes yes I'm just as suspicious of magical blends and incense oils as the rest of you, but seriously, the shaman blend lists itself as being useful for vision questing and the like and boy is it!  I had barely unscrewed the top of the jar to smell the incense and my consciouness was out the building and 10 miles down the road!  I actually find it really difficult to properly get back inside my head for hours after inhaling this stuff even once.  It's good people, and well worth it.

Some background reading.

It wouldn't be fair to launch this blog without a little explanation of the reasons behind it, and some contextual background so you begin to at least vaguely understand what the fuck you're reading.  I tend to ramble when I write but I'll try and keep relatively on topic.

I'm a 24 year old bi guy living in London, spending most of my days trying not to fuck up too much, trying to contain enough of my crazy so I don't get arrested - you can read all about my crazy on my other blog here, and generally seeking out all kinds of trouble I can get myself into without it being traced back.  Also, I'm a pagan.

To be more precise, I officially class myself as a Chaos Magician.  Or a Chaote to some.  It's all the same thing. Which is to say its nothing like anything else at all.  Chaos Magic is a relatively recent development of neo-pagan thought, initially formalized in the 1970s.  It is a very very tiny subset of magic, and most people have never heard of it.  However most pagans of reasonable magical experience tend to have come to their own conclusions which are fairly similar to the core principles of chaos magic.

Chaos magic recognises that most religious thought, including the various neo-paganism branches, rather tends (and to many extents, requires one,) to ignore the views of science and developments in understanding of the universe we inhabit and its physical and metaphysical processes.  Where individuals attempt to reconcile these viewpoints, you are forced into a projection of the human psyche into a polytheistic pantheon, or else you basically recognise some monotheistic figure as having exploded the universe into existence because of a lack of anything better to do one day.  Chaos magic does not necessarily reject these viewpoints, however it does attempt to recognise that what was once called magic, we now call science, and speculates that what we now call miracles, coincidences, or sheer foolhardy belief, may one day also manifest as science.  It attempts to take pagan theory and quantify it scientifically.  Yes, my spellbooks are written in equation form.  Studying chaos magic requires a near PhD level understanding of theoretical physics as a prerequisite.

Chaos magic as its name would imply, draws heavily on elements of chaos theory, quantum mechanics, probability theory, catastrophe theory and yes, even morphic fields.  Chaotes thought they were cool way before torchwood did.  There are two major principles in chaos magic

First, that belief is a tool used to actuate things, just like your traditional athame, sword, cup, crucifix, prayer, whatever.  So long as you believe wholeheartedly in what you choose to believe in, what you actually chose doesn't matter in the slightest.  Whether you consider the god of the underworld to be Hades, Pluto, Hel, Satan, Anubis or some projection of a personal childhood trauma, they all do the same thing.  Results are what matter, results are what count, results are what actually have any effect on the world, whether you used Anubis or Hades to get there is a matter of personal preference at the time.  As such, chaos magicians tend to change their beliefs at will, they mix pantheons, they invoke silly things (I once invoked the tellytubbies for the 4 quarters during a circle casting), but it doesn't matter, they believe fully in whatever they are doing and the symbolic representations they are using to do it.

Second, magic is largely about probability when it comes down to it.  Things don't tend to happen just because we wish it so, once in a while they might, and we put that down to coincidence.  Chaos magic takes probability theory, and argues that everything is theoretically possible, just that the chance of pots of geraniums turning into whales or vice versa is infintessimaly small.  'Magic' is an attempt to exploit the quantum principles of the universe, in order to increase probabilities to cause a desired effect.  Usually something much more sensible, than whale transmogrification thankfully.  This doesn't guarantee that it will happen, but then again anybody who genuinely learnt how to actuate all their desires without fail would probably have had the sense to keep rather quiet about it, made their trillions, and retired into relative obscurity decades ago.


That's your basic theory of chaos magic, summarized in the most simplified and shortest way possible.  Chaos magic being what it is, another chaos magician will probably come along and tell you the complete opposite, but that's life.  With that out of the way, you at least have a vague concept of where I'm coming from, and we can get down to the point of this blog.

I do a lot of magical workings, I work in a lot of ways other people don't, I incorporate a lot of things other's done tend to into my workings, I read a lot on the development of magical theory, I've met some weird people, but yet I never feel like I do enough.  And so I thought I'd give myself a kick up the ass to do more magic.  That, and chaos magic being such a small subset and its practitioners by nature tending to be highly individualistic, the amount of literature or information you can find from chaos magicians and the ways they work is extremely limited.  So I figured I'd try and blog.  At least once a week, more if I can.  Some will be on rituals, projects, spells, etc that I'm trying, some will be on the background of me and how I came to class myself as a chaos magician, some will be on chaos magic theory and to what extent I agree with it, and so on and so forth.  A lot of my starting posts will probably be background on the way I work, what my influences are and such things like that, it may be a chore to get through them till I start doing some actual full blown chaos magic rituals, but then hopefully this blog will inspire me to do more of them.


P.S.  I'll explain the name of this blog in due time, for now, anyone who understands the reference can claim a free hug on demand.